The Angry White Guy

Valentine’s Day is just two day away … oh no!

Posted February 12th 2009 at 8:21 am by AWG

Jenny Craig called and she's pissed.

Valentine’s Day, yet another stupid holiday made up to exploit men and their wallets is just 2 days away … so lets look up a few Valentines Day facts.

I’ll start out with my personal favorite …

1. 17%-21% of all flowers sent on Valentine’s Day are brought by women and sent to themselves, so tomorrow, Friday (the 13th) when most people will be sending flowers to women at work, you will know that for every 2 out of 10 flowers you see at work some lonely old maid or tubby, tubby 2X4 sent them to herself. Truly pathetic.

2. 73% of people who buy Valentine’s Day flowers are men (being guilted by their woman), while only 27% are sent by women (and they are lesbians I bet). What the hell happened to equal rights? Let’s go women pony up and buy more flowers for someone other than yourself. Spend that $100 on your man for something that will be dead within a week.

3. Every year around 1 billion Valentine cards are bought and sold … talk about a waste of money.

4. Teachers receive the most Valentine’s Day cards, followed by children, mothers, wives, and then, sweethearts. Children between ages 6 to 10 exchange more than 650 million Valentine’s cards with teachers, classmates, and family members…. start that peer pressure early would you.

5. A single perfect red rose framed with baby’s breath is named by some florists as a “signature rose,” and is the preferred choice for most for giving on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries and birthdays. Yeah whatever, it’s still a murdered flower that will be dead soon … hope you’re happy.

6. The red rose was the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman goddess of love. The color red stands for strong romantic feelings making the red rose the flower of love.

7. Cupid is a symbol of Valentine’s Day. Cupid was associated with Valentine’s Day because he was the son of Venus, the Roman god of love and beauty. Cupid often appears on Valentine cards and gift tokens holding a bow and arrows as he is believed to use magical arrows to arouse feelings of love.

8. Verona, the Italian city where Shakespeare’s play lovers Romeo and Juliet lived, receives about 1,000 letters every year sent to Juliet on Valentine’s Day. What the hell for? Is she going to come down the chimney and leave chocolate?

9. In the Middle Ages young men and women drew the names from a bowl to see who would be their Valentine. They would wear this name pinned on their sleeves for one week. This was done so that it becomes easy for other people to know your true feelings. This was known as “to wear your heart on your sleeve”. So the next time you see some overly sensitive person that wears their heart on their sleeve, you now know where it comes from.

10. On February 14th wooden love spoons were carved and given as gifts on Valentine’s Day in Wales. Hearts, keys and keyholes were favorite Valentine decorations on the wooden spoons. This Valentine decoration meant, “You unlock my heart!”

11. The most beautiful and incredible gift of love is the monument Taj Mahal in India. Built by Mughal Emperor Shahjahan as a memorial to his wife it stands as the emblem of the eternal love story. Work on the Taj Mahal began in 1634 and continued for almost 22 years and required the labor of 20,000 workers from all over India and Central Asia. (She was quoted as saying “OH SHEBA!! DO you know how hard it is to keep white clean?)

12. In America, the pilgrims used to send confections, such as sugar wafers, marzipan, sweetmeats and sugar plums, to their affianced. Lot of value was placed on these gifts because they included what was then a rare product, sugar. After the late 1800′s, beet sugar became widely used and more available, and sweet gifts continued to be cherished and enjoyed. So now you know why Americans are fat.

Want some candy?

13. Amongst the earliest Valentine’s Day gifts were candies. The most common were chocolates in heart shaped boxes. They are commonly over priced, over packaged and under packed.

14. The heart is associated to Valentine’s Day as it is considered the source of all human emotions. The

custom of drawing a heart shape is supposed to have come from early attempts to draw an organ that no one had seen. The symbol came on to become as a sign of love… so thank goodness they didn’t know emotion came from the groin, or right now we’d all be eating cream filled candied … oh never mind.

There you go … worthless Valentine’s Day facts.

… and since I was so cruel to force that hideous beast on you at the start of the post … you are rewarded here with the real reason for Valentine’s Day, getting some babe to play dress up just to leave her outfit a crumpled pile on the floor. Be serious to you really think Valentine’s Day is about cards, candy and flowers?

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