Oh please! A story/report just released states that obesity is not because you are a fat, lazy, face stuffing slob, oh no you have a virus. That’s right you have the chunky butt sniffles … excuse me while I look for some duct tape. In the report just release Professor Nikhil Dhurandhar said …
… the virus, known as AD-36, infects the lungs then whisks around the body, forcing fat cells to multiply and also causing sore throats.”
“When this virus goes to fat tissue it replicates, making more copies of itself and in the process increases the number of new fat cells, which may explain why the fat tissue expands and why people get fat when they are infected with this virus,” Dhurandhar said.
Yea whatever there Professor your virus AD-36 sounds a lot like BS-101 to me. It also sounds like a way to give lard butts a excuse and charging it to your insurance company for being fluffy. However, in the interest of science I decided to do a study of my own and after extensive research I discovered a NEW VIRUS called the bent elbow virus, and from my study this shows that the more your bend your elbow towards that pie hole on your face the fatter you get, but as a added benefit to my study I additionally discovered that if you keep your elbows straight you will not get fat … so the study I did is conclusive, bending your elbows to your face will make you fat, guaranteed. Might want to toss a little exercise in there get up move around a bit, just a thought.
So what do you think? Is being a big tub of lard a virus? Or is it you have poor self control and can’t stop feeding your big fat face? Oh and for the record I’m not a little skinny guy, nor am I a big fat guy but every pound of extra weight I have came from not a virus, but a pizza or a hamburger … how about a big juicy steak and baked potato, maybe some BBQ’ed rib or a big pecan pie … hungry yet? Well dammit go feed that virus before you get thin.
Now if I have offended any of the chunky butt people out there in stuff your pie hole land, you are welcome to chase me down and open up a can of whoop-ass on me … got your attention with the phrase “open up a can” didn’t I?